When I think of fear gripping me by the throat and shaking me like a rag doll until I am limp and spent, I remember some times that haunt me to this very day. I know mental illness. I know sadness that wraps around you like a coffin that has been sealed and the air is stale and getting in short supply and you don’t even care. I know the family fracturing fights because no one has the answer to the problem or everyone has THE ONLY ANSWER. I know waiting on a prodigal. I know the pain of a mother’s heart. I know sleepless nights when tears flow like a river onto my pillow and sobs must be drowned in a pillow to keep from waking the entire house. Fear stifles the joy of good days when you are waiting for God to come through and answer your cries before His throne. Fear causes the rational, thoughtful, and kind individual to act like a complete buffoon to another leaving hurt, harsh words, and haughtiness in its wake.
Friends who are clueless (because they have perfect children–yes I am being sarcastic) offer the most unwelcomed advice and really all one really needs is for them to say, “This stinks so bad and I am so sorry you are hurting so badly.” Instead, their words add gasoline to a raging inferno in the heart and friendships are left in ashes and reclusiveness results, for being alone is preferred over company that adds to the daily dose of mental, emotional, and yes spiritual anguish.The last thing you want to hear is “count your blessings”. Prayer is impossible. Just getting out of bed is an effort of olympian proportions. Forget going to church. Sing It is Well with My Soul? P-L-E-A-S-E! Worship??? Who can when tears leave tracks of mascara on cheeks and base and powder all over the front of a shirt, (Can you tell I have been where you are………..?) and instead of a hug looks of pity greet you.
What can we do during these deep, dark nights (weeks, months, years) of the soul. When families implode, and hearts break, and loved ones disappear, desert, or die.
Sister, you DO NOT NEED TO DO ANYTHING!!!!! You need to wait in the quiet. You need to rest. You need to focus on breathing; on putting one foot in front of the other, of simply doing the next thing. You are in God’s waiting room– waiting on the birth of a miracle. You need a friend who will pray for you, not at you. This is what I want to do today. May you know that accompanying this prayer is what is called fasting, the denying self of food and/or drink to focus on the time of prayer and seeking the Lord and His wisdom. In Matthew 17:21 and Mark 9:29, Jesus told His disciples these kinds of problems are only driven out by prayer and fasting. You are prayed out. I know this. So, let me take up the mantle and pray over you, for you and for your loved one. May you feel His peace wrap around you like a warmed blanket on a cold day and the release of the choking angst in your heart. You are not alone! Angels are attending those who will be still and wait. The hardest verse/command of God to wrap your sweet head around is 2 Chronicles 20:17: “You will not have to fight this battle. Take up your positions; stand firm and see the deliverance the LORD will give you, Judah and Jerusalem.; Do not be afraid do not be discouraged. Go out to face them tomorrow, and the LORD will be with you.”
Most Gracious Lord,
Today, is not what one can call a good day if speaking the TRUTH. Today, really reeks like rotten fish. Life is falling apart. Unrelenting pain grips the heart and the soul of YOUR creation and your daughter: This one that You love so much.
Your Word says to Give. Thanks. IN. all. things. Not for all things. So, for this moment, I thank You for the life of the one who is loved so much and is unable to see the love others have for them, including You, LORD! Your Word says You use all things for good. You tell us to pray without ceasing, with persistence. This has been done and NOTHING is apparent. Lord, thank you that your Word tells us you are NOT slow to answer. In 2 Peter 3:9 You said: The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness. Instead he is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance. You also tell us in Daniel 9:23: As soon as you (WE) began to pray, a word (ANSWER) went out, which I have come to tell you, for you are highly esteemed.
Lord, may these who hurt so deeply find great comfort in knowing that your timing is perfect and Your answer is on the way to them though there is no evidence of this.
Father, Jesus said He died for the sins of all mankind. No One is too terrible to receive Your forgiveness. Isaiah said: He (Jesus) was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was on him, and by his wounds we are healed. Father, bring healing to the mind, body, and soul. Touch the heart with your love. Defeat the enemy’s control. Bring peace into the life of the one struggling with anxiety, depression, addiction, bondage, and fear. Take back each family for your kingdom and make each one a living testimony of the power of the love of Christ in a life. Turn the captivity of each family around and restore all that has been lost……time, relationships, trust, hope, courage, peace, and unconditional love.
Lord, thank you, your Word is so specific. Thank you that You knew how we would suffer and the lengths You have gone to to release us from our prisons. Lord, some prisons have bars that are stronger than iron and only Your might, power, and love can break them down.
For the privilege of praying for my friends who are fighting to keep their precious heads above the giant swells of a turbulent sea and to keep their eyes on the Lighthouse that guides toward the shallows where they can stand once again, I thank you with all my heart.
Over each prodigal, prisoner, and parent I ask your abundant blessing for this day.
In the precious and holy name of our Savior, Jesus the Christ,
Amen and Amen.